Boy, I simply can’t catch a break lately. My cat gained’t cease harassing me, my Tinder account retains crashing from extreme right-swiping, and I’m so strapped for money I’ve needed to restrict my tagine consumption to thrice every week.
I get a message from MoneyMagpie. I’m to trial a “matched betting” app. Betting is the factor the place you generate profits from doing nothing, I believe. I bounce on the alternative.
Right here’s what I learnt.
‘Matched betting’ combines the joys of playing with the ‘having cash’ of not playing, and the app Heads&Heads is an effective place to begin
The app’s “Oddsmatching Software program and Calculators” tells you what to wager on and calculates precisely how a lot cash you should place on a sport/occasion, in addition to how a lot to put on the other outcome occurring for a similar sport/occasion – each these bets will then basically cancel one another out and generate risk-free revenue utilizing the free wager gained from the bookmaker supply. It’s like that Nigerian Prince who emailed your mum is definitely actual.
Customers unlock free bets from “Welcome Gives” to wager utilizing bookmakers’ personal funds
You’re like a modern-day Robin Hood, besides as a substitute of stealing from the wealthy and giving to the poor you’re accepting free bets from licensed bookmakers and staking them on horses. Grandma Tilly anybody (that’s a horse)?
Don’t gamble your free wager
I learnt the laborious manner once I wager one on England. By no means a superb shout (sorry pap).
Actually, don’t gamble something
A momentary lapse in judgement, coupled with the flawed logic that matched betting had led me to grow to be an knowledgeable within the methods of the bookmaker, led to a Kim Jong-un themed fruit machine taking all my cash. Peace talks are off.
You’re greatest staying away from far-flung abroad video games
Bookies develop suspicious when punters go for unusual abroad markets—truthful sufficient, you don’t typically see the regulars down Ladbrokes rallying for the Chungking–Pyongyang fixture.
Actually, they’re suspicious of every thing
Bookies are recognized to limit matched bettors’ accounts, as a result of they (legally, thoughts) exploit their welcome affords – identical to the bookies themselves exploit everyone who’s ever stumbled right into a bookmaker on the lookout for a fast buck solely to return six days later with no garments, a mephedrone dependancy, and a number of other million lire of debt. The distinction, after all, is that matched bettors can boast of a clear conscience.
They love dwell chat
Stay-chat help abounds within the betting universe. Whereas I wasn’t significantly enthralled by “Garry” from William Hill On-line’s chat (Me: “Good Night” Gary: “Sure”), James, the obvious sole operator of Heads&Heads’ live-chat, was a hoot! He was additionally on-line actually 24/7 and as soon as informed me he hadn’t eaten all day, so is most definitely a circuit-board.
It’s important to lose earlier than you’ll be able to win
The primary wager a matched bettor has to do is the “qualifying wager,” which proves you’re real and unlocks the welcome supply. You’ll should be ready to climate as much as 57p in losses on this preliminary wager, so ensure to scrimp and save earlier than you commit, particularly, if like I used to be, you’re 3p off overstepping your overdraft and having Santander impound your cat.
Bookmakers have appalling tastes in website-decor
I didn’t know “dilapidated-Weston-super-Mare-amusement-park-chic” was a factor, however apparently bookies rent internet designers from seaside brothels within the 1970s.
You may earn as much as £1500 a month
One consumer doubled the value of their pupil mortgage and paid it again straight out of uni. As a result of I used to be late to the sport, I’ll solely have the ability to pay again my loans if I get run over by the Conservative’s celebration bus and declare compensation, though they in all probability gained’t pay up.